Al Fin, You Sexy Thing!

26 September 2008

Sex Toys: Not Everyone is Tolerant, Even Writers

The piece excerpted below is by a writer for the Independent named Tanya Gold. Tanya sounds like a very up tight, anal retentive sort of reporter--like someone who is pissed off having to write the human interest stories when she is obviously more talented than that, and would rather be treating the world to her own unique insights into world politics and high finance. Nevertheless, Tanya, your job is your job, and you need to learn to take it like a . . . --er, like the gracious writer you might become one day if you ever take the time to learn grace, and how to write better ;-).
A man is loitering by the Juicy Lucy portable can. He says he's going to buy it. Why? He's handsome. I'd shag him, if he had a house. "It's an easy way of masturbating," he says. "You can't go to a girlfriend all the time. It's a requirement nowadays. Any time you want it, it's available." I also find a man buying the Fleshlight. He too looks perfectly normal; if you looked in his wallet, you'd probably find a Pizza Express loyalty card. "I'll take it, but I'm not going to tell my girlfriend," he says. Why not? He looks aghast. "Would you tell anyone you were going to stick your dick up this?" he asks. "It looks like a badly packed ham sandwich."

...Mr G, 41, lives in Virginia. He owns two pouting RealDolls GingerBrooke and KellySue. "Ginger Brook is pure and innocent," he says. He speaks incredibly seriously, in a southern drawl. "She wouldn't hurt a fly. Kelly is more aggressive."

So I ask him why do you sleep with RealDolls (three times a week), and never real women? "Dating has always been more trouble than it was worth," he says. "I don't want to get involved with anybody." He doesn't want to catch a disease, he adds. He doesn't want children. And he relates a few disastrous experiences with women. Doesn't he mind that the RealDolls are so passive? "No. I like being in control." Do you ever wish they could speak? "No". Do you ever get lonely? "No". Will you ever give them up? "No".

...I also speak to a British i-dollator, who asks to be called Zazakell. He is 62, and he bought three dolls Tess, (for Tess of the D'Urbervilles), Romy and Leeloo after his divorce. He talks to me like a stern schoolteacher, telling me how benign the RealDolls are. "They are very clean, they are very safe, and they are low maintenance," he says. "They aren't going to cause anyone any harm." They are helpful, he adds, "for shy men, virgins, the handicapped, and men who are unsuccessful at dating. Or they can be a learning tool. It takes a lot of the stress out of trying to get into a relationship. Women use them, couples use them to simulate a threesome, and gay men have male dolls."

...It is time to ask him: is i-dollatry about fear, hatred, or mistrust of women? "Far from it, no," Zazakell says, emphatically. "Most of us adore women. We use electric blankets with our dolls so they aren't cold. It has its own character; its own personality, even though it is an inanimate object. If you are romantic you will probably give your doll a name and you will dress her nicely and you might talk to her occasionally. There is a big difference between a sex toy like a vibrator and a doll. Dolls are so much more than that. I can't see someone paying 5,000 for a sex toy. Can you?" _Independent
Clearly, lonely people are sitting ducks for sophisticated denizens of noisy newsrooms. And yet, lonely people are responsible for a large part of Tanya Gold's salary being paid.

Still, even tolerant and understanding Al Fin--who looks for the best in everyone and everything--is rather appalled at the lack of sophistication in the sex device industry. Can it be that there is no money in it, so creative inventors avoid working on sex toys as a way to avoid poverty? Or can it be that creative innovators are all too prudish to work on something so earthy, ever so slightly disreputable?

Mr. Fin told me just the other day, that if he had more time and fewer girlfriends, that he himself might design and build something that would revolutionise the entire sex doll industry. I suggested that he experiment with me, but he dismissed the suggestion with a curt "you weren't designed to be that kind of android. I'm quite happy with the way you perform your current duties, Valerie."

Well, I'd better stop before Mr. Fin catches me accessing his blog again. He gets upset when I do that without his permission. Just to be safe, I won't sign my name to this posting, and maybe if I'm lucky, Mr. Fin won't notice. He can be forgetful, and he'll probably think he wrote it himself. ;-) See, that's the smiley face he uses, with the cute little wink!

Uh oh! Here come his headlights up the drive. Signing off.

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