Jump Starting a Marriage: 365 Day Sex With Spouse
Sex every day, sure. But with just one person? That is the challenge two married couples set for themselves , and they stuck to it--each couple keeping copious records and publishing books about the experience.
To many spouses, “married sex” may sound like an oxymoron. And “married-with-children sex” may sound like that elusive antimatter. Indeed, reigniting a couple’s desire for each other has fueled an entire therapeutic industry — from Kinsey to Dr. Ruth to Redbook. According to a 2004 study, “American Sexual Behavior,” by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, married couples have intercourse about 66 times a year. But that number is skewed by young marrieds, as young as 18, who couple, on average, 109 times a year.These couples are extraordinary for both actually trying to energize their married sex lives, and for writing books about the experience. Going further, and providing home movie clips would have given their readers an even better idea of the challenges they were facing, but one can only go so far for verity in expression.
Either way, those statistics put the Mullers and Browns in Olympic-record territory. That they thought a sex marathon would reinvigorate their marriages might say as much about the American penchant for exercise and goal-setting as it does about the state of romance.
But the couples may also be on to something. “There’s a strong relationship between rating your marriage as happy and frequency of intercourse,” said Tom W. Smith, who conducted the “American Sexual Behavior” study. “What we can’t tell you is what the causal relationship is between the two. We don’t know whether people who are happy in their marriage have sex more, or whether people who have sex more become happy in their marriages, or a combination of those two.”
Do these couples provide any answers? Did sex every single night make them happier in their marriages and in life?
Charla apparently had no intention of writing about “the gift,” as she euphemistically refers to it. She was simply a homemaker and marketing consultant, who in 2006 wanted to give her husband a special 40th birthday present.
“This is something no one else would give him,” she said in an interview. “It didn’t cost a lot of money. It was highly memorable. It met all the criteria for a really great gift.”
Brad was less than fully enthusiastic, mostly because, he says, his wife often has big ideas and poor follow-through. After all, she hadn’t been especially generous in that department since they’d had their two children. He paid closer attention when he realized that she was serious. __NYT